Today I had the most unbelievable conversation with my ex. My ex-doctor.
He heard about Served Up Sober and basically called to congratulate me on the site and the progress I’ve made. Said he’s most proud of me and thinks he might use me as an example with some of his patients.
Really? Me??
I was his patient, years ago when I was drowning in an alcohol and crystal meth addiction. I sought him out because my life was falling apart and I didn’t…know…why. Funny.
Isn’t that what we do? Search for answers to why life is fucked up in the precipice of our addictive behaviors, habits and lifestyles?
I was forever living in the valley, searching for mountain top experiences. I was always looking to be most productive when my actions were counterproductive. I lived a life of polar extremes and wondered why my brain couldn’t handle the strain.
This doctor worked with me for several years – off and on. And had I been more compliant, we could’ve really accomplished a lot and life would’ve panned out differently. But most times I was noncompliant.
There was this one time though, when I was working an honest program, no drugs, no booze, and following his suggestions and direction. And things were going extremely good. During this time period, we had a session that went something like, and I paraphrase:
Him: So how are things for you?
Me: Good (feeling mellow)
Him: Any highs, lows, mood swings?
Me: No. None. Things are really even.
Him: Welcome to normal life.
Me: When are we going to talk about my problems?
Him: It’s not my job to talk about your problems. Its my job to stabilize you so you don’t have to talk about your problems…you solve them.
I break out into a huge grin every. time. I remember. this exchange. How wise.
Because what I want to do exactly, with Served, is NOT spend time blogging about my problems. That’s why I strive to limit each post to 500 words or less.
When I was drowning in addiction everyone reached out to me with advice and suggestions on how to save my broken self. Except for a few reprieves like the one just mentioned, most times they couldn’t get through to me. And likewise, I couldn’t make them understand where I was. It was as if we spoke Charlie Brown teacher language.
Womp womp womp…womp womp womp womp.
But, I know I’m speaking your language. We understand each other. Maybe you’ll catch a piece of something you can hold onto that will stabilize your perspective. Maybe not. Either way Served Up Sober is not intended to glorify the details of my problems.
What we inherit from drugs and alcohol isn’t unique to our experience, so, in my humble opinion the details of the stories are irrelevant.
But if you find something here that triggers a positive change reaction then I’ve done Dr. Brown proud.
