One of the sad consequences of my addiction is the realization that I disappointed the ones I love. In their lifetime my mediocrity forced them to water down their aspirations for me. And two, whom I loved most, died before I ever “amounted to anything”. These two helplessly witnessed me kick the years of my life down the street like empty aluminum cans.
This is what we do. We self destruct and take hostages along the way.
My dad, referred to it as “riding the horse backwards”.
Dr. called it “majoring in the minors”.
I call it a squandering of gifts.
I stretch my mind now to imagine any chance that these two great icons in my life see me now. And if so, can they possibly muster up a seed of pride.
Sometimes, I strain my memory to hear their voices. But can’t. The best l can do is cultivate my life and plant every seed of potential.
And on good days I persist.
On bad days I’m haunted by the past and negative thoughts dog my trail keeping me frantic for success. But you know what chasing success fosters? Fear.
And fear is the opposite of all things good.
What pushes me forward is knowing all to well what the residue of fear looks and feels like. I keep going and seeking out a better purpose and a higher good.
I struggle with confidence. I question if I’m good enough, smart enough, talented enough. But it always seems to happen that when I reach a point of true questioning, when I doubt my passion and the direction of my expectations, I’m blessed with a gem from the past that reminds me that I had Alfred as my dad and Dr. William H. Grier as my friend.
Today I received an email from Corrie, Dr.’s wife, and she wrote:
I remember when he had this on his desk. I just found it in a box while working on cleaning out the gazebo. I’m going to hang it where I can see it from my desk.
“Press On: Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
I’m reminded that Corrie has had a hard time with persistence lately. Since Dr.’s passing, she just hasn’t had the will for most things. But, she’s still here. Making an effort. Living in spite of …
Sometimes we struggle. Our way is not always going to be wide and brightly lit. Sometimes the path will be narrow and dim.
Some stuff stays with us for a while and the results of our determination aren’t immediate.
Just persist anyway.
Today’s Challenge: Stay persistent and determined in your efforts.